Archive for the ‘News and Cynical Banter’ Category

There was a senseless shooting that erupted earlier today during a midnight premier of the new Batman movie which tragically left 12 dead and 59 others injured.

Therefore, let’s make an effort not to point fingers or complain about the problems we face, and remember that there’re others in this world going through even more challenging situations. So when you’re with your loved ones this weekend, hug them a little tighter and don’t hesitate to tell them how much you love them.

– Ronsolo

Jeremy Lin and Carmelo Anthony
(Debby Wong/US Presswire)

It’s official, Jeremy Lin will be moving to Texas after the New York Knicks decided not to match the three year $25 million deal, offered by the Houston Rockets.

“It’s up to the organization to say (if) they want to match that ridiculous contract that’s out there,” Carmelo Anthony told the media last Sunday, in an article published by Yahoo! Sports.

Good job to Carmelo for concealing his true feelings about Lin, and coughing up some politically correct response. But what’s even more “ridiculous” than that is Melo’s own hefty three year contract for $64.4 million.

“Honestly, I preferred New York,” Lin said, in a Sports Illustrated interview. “But my main goal in free agency was to go to a team that had plans for me and wanted me. I wanted to have fun playing basketball … Now I’m definitely relieved.”

Let’s be honest and address the elephant in the room — there just was no chemistry between them. Last season, it seemed as if Melo would rather interact with the washed-up Baron Davis before even acknowledging Lin on the court.

And for a guy who doesn’t like passing the ball and then fails to accept responsibility for losing, I can imagine that there’s others on that team that lack chemistry with Melo, too.

“I would love to see him back honestly, but knowing the business of basketball, it’s kind of a tough situation,” said Melo. “With Jeremy, I know he definitely wants to be back and (James) Dolan definitely wants him back. It’s just a matter of figuring it out.”

I’m sure Lin wanted to remain in New York just as much as Carmelo really wanted him to stay. After all, isn’t it every pro basketball player’s dream to play with an egomaniacal “ball hog” anyways?

-Ronsolo

U.S. News & World Report

North Korean leader Kim Jong Ill died last Saturday at age 69, North Korean state TV recently reported.

It’s been rumored that Kim was born on Mount Paekdu, the highest point on the Korean peninsula, under a double rainbow, and possessed many supernatural powers.

According to a recent article from the U.S. News & World Report, North Koreans believe that Kim is a world-renowned fashion icon, the inventor of the hamburger, their country’s national soccer coach, and the very first time he played golf, Kim made 11 holes-in-one, among a host of enormous achievements. Additionally, Many North Koreans also believe that he had the “magical” ability to control the weather based on his mood.

Despite the latest reports from the media stating that North Korea’s supreme leader died from a heart attack, Kim actually died at the hands of wrestling legends, in a vicsious battle with Hulk Hogan and Randy “Macho Man” Savage … I guess his superpowers couldn’t defeat the baddest pro wrestles ever to step into the squared circle.

Just watch the video below.

 

-Ronsolo

Today, attorney Joseph Amendola, on behalf of accused child molester and former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky, gave an impromptu news conference on the courthouse steps and announced that those who think Sandusky is a child molester should call “1-800-REALITY.”

“Anyone who is naive enough to think for a minute that Tim Curley, Joe Paterno and Gary Schultz and, for that matter, Graham Spanier, the university president, were told by Mike McQueary that he observed Jerry Sandusky having anal sex with a 10-year-old-looking kid in a shower at Penn State or Penn State property and their response was to simply tell Jerry Sandusky that, ‘Don’t go in the shower room any more with kids.’ I suggest you dial 1-800-REALITY. Because that makes absolutely no sense, ” said Amendola.

No, 1-800-REALITY isn’t Sandusky’s home phone number, however it may be a number that Sandusky is familiar with because it happens to be an actual gay sex line.

… I can already imagine the sarcastic headlines and Sandusky jokes.

Here’s an original one from yours truly: Have you heard of the other non-profit organization that Sandusky is involved with? It’s called the National Association for Marketing Big League Athletes – otherwise know as NAMBLA.

I guess it ain’t called the “Happy Valley” for nothing.

source – Yahoo!

NASA Rendering

Astronomers working with NASA‘s orbiting Kepler space telescope claim they’ve discovered an Earth-like planet that’s just 600 light years away.

Named Kepler-22b, experts say it orbits a sun-like star in the so-called “habitable zone,” which is a proximal distance not too close and not too far, where moderate temperatures on the planet would make liquid water – and life – possible.

Thrilled by this new discovery after years of searching for Earth-like planets, Jon Jenkins, co-investigator with the Kepler mission said, “It’s great to be at this point where we have this milestone of finding this first super-Earth planet in the habitable zone of a sun-like star.”

Scientists say that it’s about 2.4 times the size of Earth, and because of its mid-range location in the “habitable zone,” it probably enjoys pleasant daytime temperature of around 72 degrees Fahrenheit (22 degrees Celicius).

“Although this planet is over twice the size of the Earth, if it were indeed rocky, you could have liquid water pooling on the surface,” said Jenkins. “And as far as we know, liquid water is required by all life that we know about. So, it’s an incredibly necessary ingredient for life as we know it.”

Jenkins says it will be up to future missions and more powerful telescopes to determine if there actually is life on Kepler-22b, but also points out, that as more data is gathered on this distant world, life beyond Earth seems increasingly possible.

Well, if there are any “Kepler-22b-ings” that happen to be reading this blog, just know that me, Bill Cooper and Agent K are on our way. I’m gassing up the Millennium Falcon with enriched plutonium-244, and without any traffic we should be there by next Saturday.

source – Voice of America

Getty Images

Last week after a 149-day lockout the NBA players association and owners union finally came to a tentative agreement, and for the religious sports fans like myself it can’t come soon enough.

With the first game of a shortened 66-game-season set to begin on Christmas day, many teams are left now scrambling to prepare for opening day.

And as a Lakers fan I’m dying to see what they have in the works.

The season is shorter and they haven’t practiced together. The ever-wise Phil Jackson is gone, and they have a new less experienced coach in Mike Brown. In addition, their players are getting old and are banged up.

With so many different variables facing the Lakers organization I’m not worried, in fact I’m looking forward to this new change. This may sound pretty “zen-like,” but the only thing permanent is change. It’s all part of the conversion process.

With that being said, I’m looking forward to big adjustments and changes within the Lakers framework. I’m interested in witnessing the new leadership that Mike Brown brings. But most of all I’m interested in seeing the new acquisitions the team will receive.

So far I’m hearing names tossed around such as Chris Paul, in which we definitely could use a great starting point guard. Let’s face it Derek Fisher isn’t getting any younger, and we need a pair of quick legs to run the triangle offense.

Dwight Howard is another big name that I’d love to see come to L.A. According to rumors floating around, he wants to play for the Lakers, and for Kobe and Howard to be on the same team together is what avid fans have fantasized about ever since last season. In order to change for the better and make this deal happen, I would give up Andrew Bynum and Lamar Odom (sorry guys, I do appreciate your contributions though). Plus with Howard playing in L.A., he’d still be able to keep his Disney endorsement, so it makes perfect sense for him.

But wait there’s more! Let’s dream a little bigger and aspire a little greater, because in a recent ESPN article there were discussions of the Lakers pursuing both Paul and Howard. Now how does that sound?

Sounds like I’m ready for the season to start.

However, Lakers’ fans we’re not alone. Sources say that cross town rival the Clippers also have intentions to go after both Howard and Paul. And like the Lakers, the Clippers are positioned — financially and talent-wise to make such a move, as well.

Hopefully the Lakers can begin the 2011-2012 season acquiring both Paul and Howard, but either or, whoever we receive, there is going to be changes and adjustments made.

In order to embrace such new growth, you must leave behind the old practices of the past. And believe me, Kobe left those old practices behind when they got swept by the Mavericks in the playoffs last season.

-Ronsolo

Rick Loomis / L.A. Times

It’s the 60th day of  the Occupy L.A. movement, and two days after the Los Angeles Police Department’s (LAPD) deadline for protesters to leave their makeshift camp that surrounds City Hall.

While many of the protesters have packed up and left, there’s still about half of the original population of die hard demonstrators still advocating for social and economic democracy.

If the demonstrators decline to disperse then they will likely be raided by LAPD tactical forces, arrested and forced to leave.

But once all the commotion dies, and City Hall is finally free from the multitudes of peaceful protesters, what will become of the Occupy movement?

Steve Lopez of the L.A. Times proposes they take the Occupy movement on the road, and purchase a bus.

“You’ve heard of Meals on Wheels? This would be Squeals on Wheels,” wrote Lopez, in a recent article. “If a college rally were being held against budget cuts and tuition hikes, the Occupiers would head to it — and scream the loudest.”

“Occupiers could stage read-ins at the hundreds of Los Angeles Unified schools that have lost library staffers,” suggested Lopez. “And sit-ins on the front lawns of every CEO who got a fat bonus while laying off employees.”

I’d actually like to “piggyback” on Lopez’s idea and take it a step further, and try to earn a profit and commercialize this momentum that was created by the Occupy movement.

If you have a cause that you need lobbying for, who’re you going to call? PRO-TESTERS!!!

That’s right. Planned demonstrations, coordinated and executed by the Occupy Group ™, on behalf of paying organizations.

Want to ban high fructose corn syrup? Who’re you going to call? PRO-TESTERS!!!

Gas prices too high, and want sustainable sources of energy? Who’re you going to call? PRO-TESTERS!!!

And if the NBA hadn’t recently come to an agreement, guess who’s going to “occupy” the Staples Center?                PRO-TESTERS!!!

— Ronsolo

By Dimitrios Kambouris, Getty Images

News like this is a waste of  brain cells to me so I’m going to address this subject one time, and that’s it.

We all saw it coming … The inevitable implosion of Kim Kardashian’s “allegedly staged” marriage to NBA power forward Kris Humphries.

During last Sunday’s reality TV premiere of the E! network’s Kourtney & Kim Take New York, the professional basketball player and his reality TV star bride were frequently shown bickering with each other.

If it wasn’t for Kim’s lack of reverence, big city lifestyle, or expensive taste that must have caused her marriage to Humphries to abruptly dissolve in 72 days — the straw that broke the camels back was probably when the NBA player walked in on his wife Kim’s “nude” yoga session (Watch video here).

As Humphries walks in on Kim and her posse practicing yoga in the couple’s hotel suite — with a naked male instructor, he then exclaims “that’s disgusting!” and storms off.

Kim then berates Humphries for treating the instructor and her friends disrespectfully, in which he yells: “How rude is it that there’s a naked guy in my house when I walk home?” She counters back: “You are so immature, I can’t take it.”

I have nothing more to say about Kim, but what goes around comes around. And shame on her mom/manager Kris Jenner for exploiting and “pimping out” her kids like that.

By the way, Rob Kardashian Sr. called and said he can’t stop turning in his grave … Excuse me while I go throw up now.

source – USA Today

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Pastor, today sentenced Dr. Conrad Murray to four years in jail — the maximum punishment possible — for his part in Michael Jackson’s death, stating that the doctor’s role in the singer’s fatal overdose was “money-for-medicine madness.”

Murray, who was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter, was chastised by Pastor for failing to express any remorse for the pop star’s death, and boldly suggesting in a recent documentary that Jackson bore responsibility for his own demise.

“Talk about blaming the victim,”  Pastor said. “Not only isn’t there any remorse, there is umbrage and outrage on the part of Dr. Murray against the decedent.”

“Michael Jackson died not because of an isolated one-off occurrence or incident,”  Pastor said. “He died because of a totality of circumstances which are directly attributable to Dr. Murray, not some mistake or some accident in the early morning hours of 2009.”

Pastor said Murray engaged in a “horrible cycle of medicine.” And called Murray’s treatment a “disgrace to the medical profession.”

Prosecutors described Murray as a deceptive and incompetent doctor who in complying with Jackson’s request to be given propofol to put him to sleep, abandoned his Hippocratic Oath and medical judgment.

“Conrad Murray knew perfectly well that what he was doing was wrong,” Deputy Dist. Atty. David Walgren said. “He knew perfectly well that what he was doing was risking Michael Jackson’s life.”

Prosecutors had also argued that Murray should serve the maximum sentence, citing his “lies,” “coverup” and “concealment.”

Witnesses testified to many flagrant medical missteps by Murray such as giving propofol in an unmonitored setting, fumbling at basic resuscitation, keeping no records –- failures that experts said directly led to Jackson’s overdose death.

As “The King of Pop” ceased breathing and overdosed under the influence of propofol, the doctor was allegedly chatting on the phone, and exchanging email and text messages. And in the crucial moments after he discovered the singer had stopped breathing, he delayed calling for help and lied to paramedics and emergency doctors, witnesses said.

Officials from the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department said Murray will likely serve only half of his four-year jail sentence due to a recent change in California law that allows non-violent felony offenders to serve their time in county jail instead of state prison.

source – L.A. Times

Charles Dharapak/AP

President Barack Obama was campaigning in New Hampshire today, where advocates on behalf of the Occupy Wall Street movement briefly interrupted his jobs speech at a Manchester High School.

Just minutes into delivering his message, Obama was shouted down by protesters attempting to draw attention to the arrest of peaceful protesters at Occupy demonstrations around the country.

The pleas of the protesters, using the so-called “human microphone” method, was quickly drowned out by students who began chanting, “Obama! Obama!”

After the speech, as the president was shaking hands with members of the audience, a representative from the Occupy movement got close enough to  pass him a note.

The Associated Press’ Charles Dharapak was able to photograph the note which said:

“Mr. President: Over 4000 peaceful protesters have been arrested. While bankers continue to destroy the American economy. You must stop the assault on our 1st amendment rights.  Your silence sends a message that police brutality is acceptable. Banks got bailed out. We got sold out.”

source – Yahoo! News