Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

U.S. News & World Report

North Korean leader Kim Jong Ill died last Saturday at age 69, North Korean state TV recently reported.

It’s been rumored that Kim was born on Mount Paekdu, the highest point on the Korean peninsula, under a double rainbow, and possessed many supernatural powers.

According to a recent article from the U.S. News & World Report, North Koreans believe that Kim is a world-renowned fashion icon, the inventor of the hamburger, their country’s national soccer coach, and the very first time he played golf, Kim made 11 holes-in-one, among a host of enormous achievements. Additionally, Many North Koreans also believe that he had the “magical” ability to control the weather based on his mood.

Despite the latest reports from the media stating that North Korea’s supreme leader died from a heart attack, Kim actually died at the hands of wrestling legends, in a vicsious battle with Hulk Hogan and Randy “Macho Man” Savage … I guess his superpowers couldn’t defeat the baddest pro wrestles ever to step into the squared circle.

Just watch the video below.

 

-Ronsolo

Today, attorney Joseph Amendola, on behalf of accused child molester and former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky, gave an impromptu news conference on the courthouse steps and announced that those who think Sandusky is a child molester should call “1-800-REALITY.”

“Anyone who is naive enough to think for a minute that Tim Curley, Joe Paterno and Gary Schultz and, for that matter, Graham Spanier, the university president, were told by Mike McQueary that he observed Jerry Sandusky having anal sex with a 10-year-old-looking kid in a shower at Penn State or Penn State property and their response was to simply tell Jerry Sandusky that, ‘Don’t go in the shower room any more with kids.’ I suggest you dial 1-800-REALITY. Because that makes absolutely no sense, ” said Amendola.

No, 1-800-REALITY isn’t Sandusky’s home phone number, however it may be a number that Sandusky is familiar with because it happens to be an actual gay sex line.

… I can already imagine the sarcastic headlines and Sandusky jokes.

Here’s an original one from yours truly: Have you heard of the other non-profit organization that Sandusky is involved with? It’s called the National Association for Marketing Big League Athletes – otherwise know as NAMBLA.

I guess it ain’t called the “Happy Valley” for nothing.

source – Yahoo!

NASA Rendering

Astronomers working with NASA‘s orbiting Kepler space telescope claim they’ve discovered an Earth-like planet that’s just 600 light years away.

Named Kepler-22b, experts say it orbits a sun-like star in the so-called “habitable zone,” which is a proximal distance not too close and not too far, where moderate temperatures on the planet would make liquid water – and life – possible.

Thrilled by this new discovery after years of searching for Earth-like planets, Jon Jenkins, co-investigator with the Kepler mission said, “It’s great to be at this point where we have this milestone of finding this first super-Earth planet in the habitable zone of a sun-like star.”

Scientists say that it’s about 2.4 times the size of Earth, and because of its mid-range location in the “habitable zone,” it probably enjoys pleasant daytime temperature of around 72 degrees Fahrenheit (22 degrees Celicius).

“Although this planet is over twice the size of the Earth, if it were indeed rocky, you could have liquid water pooling on the surface,” said Jenkins. “And as far as we know, liquid water is required by all life that we know about. So, it’s an incredibly necessary ingredient for life as we know it.”

Jenkins says it will be up to future missions and more powerful telescopes to determine if there actually is life on Kepler-22b, but also points out, that as more data is gathered on this distant world, life beyond Earth seems increasingly possible.

Well, if there are any “Kepler-22b-ings” that happen to be reading this blog, just know that me, Bill Cooper and Agent K are on our way. I’m gassing up the Millennium Falcon with enriched plutonium-244, and without any traffic we should be there by next Saturday.

source – Voice of America

“Holy wallop, Batman! You sure are a long way away from Gotham City.”

We’ve all seen the Grind Time rap battles. We love to hear the lyrical jabs and clever punch lines, and see the crowd roar hysterically after. Well here’s a funny rap battle parody video.

source – HuffintonPost

NEW ORLEANS —  Reggie Brown, a Barack Obama impersonator, was ushered off the stage after he mocked the Republican presidential hopefuls and joked about the real president’s biracial roots to a room full of conservative activists Saturday.

I thought it was a humorous attempt at poking fun at some of our political leaders.

source – HuffingtonPost

 
A San Francisco internet start-up company called Hipster really knows how to attract the very best job seekers.

To show its intentions are sinscere, Hipster is offering new recruits some seriously tempting perks such as a $10,000 bonus and beer, for example. Yes, a whole year’s supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

But wait, there’s more! Hipster’s Web site adds that new recruits will get a bike, a pair of Buddy Holly glasses, a pair of authentic skinny jeans, a pinstriped bow tie, mustache-grooming services, and a pair of (worn, brown) boots.

“As you know, recruiting is insanely competitive right now, so we wanted to do something that would break through the noise, and get the attention of the people we’re trying to reach.” Doug Ludlow, one of the founders of Hipster, told the New York Times.

Hipster is reportedly proud that this sort of incentivizing is far more effective than the hundreds of thousands of dollars the company would have to pay recruiters.

I’ve really got to admire its unique employment strategy – they’ve got my attention afterall … Unfortunately, they’re not courting writers, only software engineers.

 source – CNET

source: AP

What lengths would man’s best friend go to give a little love. Here’s the latest example:

A zoo official says two rare cubs born to a male lion and a female tiger in China are being cared for by a dog after they were abandoned by their mother.

She said Tuesday the tiger mother fed the ligers for four days but then abandoned them for unknown reasons.

The staff at the zoo found a dog who had just given birth to nurse the surviving cubs. Love knows no boundaries!

source – USA Today

Michelle Feldstein was prepared to offer special accommodations for Sissy, a blind horse she recently added to the flightless ducks, clawless cats and homeless llamas inhabiting her animal rescue shelter in Montana.

But nothing could quite prepare her for the 40-legged, seeing-eye companions that assist Sissy, the 15-year-old sightless quarter horse.

“Sissy came with five goats and five sheep — and they take care of her,” said Feldstein, who runs Deer Havenan a rescue shelter for animals ranging from henpecked roosters to abused alpacas, with her husband Al.

The seeing-eye sheep and guard goats are never far from the white mare, and they never lead her astray. They shepherd Sissy to food and water, and angle the horse into her stall amid blowing snows or driving rains.

“They round her up at feeding time and then move aside to make sure she gets to the hay,” Feldstein said. “They show her where the water is and stand between her and the fence to let her know the fence is there.”

Before their arrival in February at Deer Haven, a 300 acre facility north of Yellowstone National Park, prospects for Sissy and her entourage of 10 were bleak.

“I only take animals that others consider throwaways,” said Feldstein, 66, whose past professional careers have included race car driver and hospital administrator.

Feldstein said she marvels at the blind mare and her barnyard attendants.

“There’s a magic involved in sheep, goats and a horse becoming best friends,” she said. “When you watch them, you have to wonder, why can’t people do that?”

source – Reuters

A 13-year-old boy was arrested Monday by the California Highway Patrol in Long Beach, after he allegedly stole a car and led officers on a pursuit with an 8-year-old passenger.

Both occupants were taken to a hospital but did not suffer any serious injuries in the incident, which was reported to police by a motorist who saw both children in the car on surface streets.

It was not clear how long the 13-year-old had been driving the car before his exploits were reported to authorities, but the chase eventually ended around 10:20 a.m. when the boy was travelling down Atlantic Avenue and collided with the curb near Armando Drive.

Considering the current economy, maybe the kid was trying to earn extra money as a taxi cab driver…

source – L.A. Times